The Unspoken Rules of Being the Adult Child

 

There’s a moment that happens quietly in 2 Weeks in theDesert With Dad when the roles between parent and child fully reverse. It isn’t announced. No one acknowledges it out loud. But it’s there, in the way decisions are made, problems are handled, and responsibility settles on the son’s shoulders.

Tom Sauer becomes the adult in the room not because he wants to, but because someone has to be.

From the start of the trip, Sauer is managing logistics. Airports, wheelchairs, transportation, the house, repairs, medical issues. His father still gives opinions—strong ones—but the execution falls to Sauer. This shift doesn’t come with authority or respect. It comes with resistance, second-guessing, and frustration.

The book captures how strange this role reversal feels. Sauer is still the son. He still carries the history of being corrected, dismissed, and directed. But now he’s also the one making things happen. He has to navigate his father’s pride while quietly ensuring safety and progress.

This is one of the most realistic parts of the book. Adult children often find themselves responsible without being empowered. They do the work but don’t get the final say. They absorb the stress but can’t change the rules. Sauer shows what it looks like to live in that tension.

Money becomes the central battleground for this shift. Sauer understands that repairs are necessary. His father sees them as threats. Every dollar spent becomes a challenge to authority. Even when Sauer is the one handling logistics, his father’s worldview dominates the conversation.

Sauer learns quickly that pushing too hard leads nowhere. He chooses which fights to engage in and which to quietly resolve behind the scenes. Paying tips out of his own pocket. Smoothing conversations. Redirecting blame. These small actions aren’t dramatic, but they’re constant.

What makes this difficult is that Sauer’s father doesn’t recognize the shift. He doesn’t acknowledge dependence. He still sees himself as independent, even when he cannot function alone. That denial creates friction because Sauer must act without undermining his father’s sense of self.

The book doesn’t present this as noble or tragic. It presents it as awkward. There is no script for how to parent your parent. There are no clear boundaries. Everything feels improvised.

Sauer also carries the emotional weight of their history into this new role. His father wasn’t emotionally present during his childhood. Support was limited. Encouragement was rare. Now, Sauer is expected to provide patience, stability, and understanding without receiving much in return.

This imbalance isn’t framed as unfair. It’s framed as reality. Sauer doesn’t demand emotional validation. He recognizes that it’s unlikely to come. Instead, he focuses on what needs to be done.

There are moments when the roles blur in unexpected ways. Humor creeps in. Familiar habits resurface. Sauer’s father still enjoys jokes, still wants to share moments, still finds ways to assert control in small ways. These moments don’t erase the imbalance, but they soften it.

One of the book’s quiet strengths is how it shows the emotional restraint required of adult children. Sauer doesn’t lash out. He doesn’t collapse into resentment. He absorbs more than he releases. That restraint isn’t presented as healthy or unhealthy—it’s just what the situation demands.

As the days pass, Sauer becomes more comfortable in this unspoken role. Not because it feels good, but because resistance only creates more stress. He adapts. He simplifies. He lowers expectations.

By the end of the two weeks, Sauer doesn’t walk away feeling resolved. He walks away knowing he did what he could within the limits of who his father is. That knowledge matters more than approval.

2 Weeks in the Desert With Dad resonates because it names a role many people step into quietly. The adult child who manages, protects, and endures without acknowledgment. The one who shows up even when the relationship has always been complicated.

The book doesn’t suggest this role is permanent or ideal. It suggests it’s sometimes necessary. And recognizing it for what it is can make it easier to carry.